The One Where I Bitch About OJ
New post has been requested. People at work thought this was funny so here you go - it's easier than having to "be creative.
Tragedy struck this afternoon as I went to the refrigerator to wash down my delicious Snickers Mini with some Orange Juice. I had left what was left of my Orange Juice in there on Friday, and was looking forward to the juice, medium pulp and calcium that my body needs. To my horror, upon opening the door I did not see my orange juice! Thinking that perhaps my orange juice was relocated to the Alternate Refrigerator I also made sure to check the other fridge’s contents. But alas, there was no Orange Juice to be consumed. A quick search of the garbage pile revealed my orange juice to be heartlessly discarded and empty.
But I am not mad. Luckily I was able to have a delicious mountain dew to wash down the tiny bits of snickers still stuck to the inside of my mouth. And I knew that I would get my revenge, for I drink directly from my Orange Juice container. And I have a nasty cold. So now when you see your coworker, the janitor or perhaps a dog that is able to unscrew orange juice containers walking amongst us with a look of shame and snot on their sleeves, know that they are an orange juice moocher. A moocher I say!
But maybe, and I would like to think this to be the case, that someone went to the refrigerator and saw this orange juice and thought to themselves “Hooray! The company has provided me with half a bottle of orange juice! I will drink this and get my daily intake of Vitamin C!” They did not realize that this was not for public consumption because I, erroneously thinking that it would be common knowledge that rogue food items in the fridge are known to be property of an individual not the company, failed to mark the orange juice with a signature or perhaps a note saying “Here be cold-germs.”
Which is why I present to you my modest proposal for acceptable usages of the refrigerator and contents of said refrigerator. I propose that the double door refrigerator (known as the “Double Deuce”) be used for items claimed by one person who would like to consume those items at a later date and time. The classic “freezer on top” model will have items known to be for the better good of the company. We will call it Comrade Refrigerador. Items not explicitly marked as belonging to individuals will be considered “fair game” if found within this refrigerator. E.g. if there is an unmarked pizza box in Comrade Refrigerador one can assume that you are welcome to have a slice for a delicious mid-afternoon snack because someone graciously donated it to the company. But if this same pizza is in the Double Deuce you should assume that someone is saving it for dinner and if you ate it they might starve to death; which is probably an OSHA violation.
Please respond with an approve/reject. I will anonymously gather the votes and contract Diebold out to count them. If this measure is approved by a majority in both the house and the senate I will post signs with clip art indicating the usage of the refrigerator.
Thank you for time and understanding,
Phil ‘OJ’ Scott
Posted by Phil on March 5th, around midnight |
Comments
Add Your Own
User Name
Password
Your comment (just plain text, URLs will be converted automatically)