CWP: Penne with a Meaty Vodka Pasta Sauce
Ok, time for the next installment of cooking with Phil. With zero deaths
since I posted my last recipe, I think most will agree that this series has been
much less deadly than anyone could have every anticipated. So onto the next
recipe, my go to pasta dish - Penne with a a meaty vodka pasta sauce.
Stuff You Need
- Penne (whole grain sucks, get the real stuff)
- Salt
- Patsy's All-Natural Vodka Sauce. Scarpetta Tuscan Vodka Sauce is
nerr but the Dirty Kroger doesn't carry it because they are dirty fuckos.
You could also make it from scratch too I guess, but fuck that noise
- Italian Sausage Links
- A skillet with a lid
- A pot with a lid
- One of those drainy things
Ok, you need to boil some water to cook the pasta in. Put like a couple of
quarts of water into your pot - enough that your pasta will drown in it. Add
some salt. I like salt. Some don't. I put like two tablespoons in there. Balls
to the wall. Put the pot on the stove, cover it and crank that shit up to high
and get it going. Stir it a bit to mix in the salt. I'm not sure it's needed,
but it can't hurt.
Once the water begins to bubble and get ready to boil the timing is right to
begin cooking your meat. It usually takes two sausages to satisfy me (no homo),
but you might want to go with one for yourself. Three is probably a good number
for three people. Remove the sausage link's condoms. We are going for pleasure,
not safety here. Throw them on your skillet on medium heat. Chomp up the links
into tiny little bite sized chunks and cook until it's brown.
Ok, once the meat is cooked the timing should be good for the pasta. I just
eye ball the amount of pasta I want, but I guess one and a half cups (by volume)
of pasta is about right for one person. Dump that into your pot and cover that
shit back up to bring it back to a boil.
As it's coming to a boil, dump some pasta sauce in there. Once again I just
eye ball it based on the amount of pasta and meat. I don't know, like a cup I
guess. Whatever. Mix that meat and sauce together and cover your skillet.So by
now the water in your pot should be going pretty good. Uncover the lid and stir
up your pasta so it doesn't stick to the bottom of the pot because that sucks.
You want to cook the pasta sauce (stirring frequently) until it starts to
bubble up and stuff. The pasta sauce is already cooked, so you are really just
heating it up. Also keep stirring your pasta so it doesn't stick.
So the key to finishing this up right is waiting until the pasta is about
done. I usually just grab one out of the pot and taste it. If it's still just
slightly hard then it's good enough to do the job (no homo). Drain the water
out. I like to put a plate over the pasta while the steam rises up and get the
plate kinda hot. Adding hot pasta to a cold plate only makes the pasta cold
quicker. So take your drained out pasta and add it in with the sauce to get it
good and coated. Some people like to add like a teaspoon of the pasta water to
get some of the starch mixed in to make the sauce stick to the pasta better, but
I can't tell the difference. Stir it all up until it's good and covered.
Bam, now you got yourself a yummy meal.
Posted by Phil on June 4th, in the middle of the night |
CWP: Grilled Chicken Tacos
Ok, I'm bored and needed a new post. People have asked how I am able to make the best fucking tacos in the world, so here's the first installment of Cooking with Phil.
Stuff You Need
- Ortega Family Taco Kit. Old El Paso is for fags
- About a pound of chicken. I use chicken tenderloins so I don't gotta
pound the chicken breast. If you got the one with a shit ton of shells and
soft taco stuff then you'll need 1.5lbs of chicken.
- Some vegetable oil
- Kraft Mexican / Taco Shredded Cheese
- Some lettuce and tomatoes if you wanna get all fancy
- Meat thermometer
- Water
Directions
Part 1: Cooking the Chicken
Remember to wash you hands after touching the chicken or else you'll get sick and die.
- Turn the oven to 350 degrees to get that shit ready for taco shells
- Put the taco shells on a baking sheet so you can toss them into the oven when the time comes
- If you got chicken breasts instead of chicken tenders (you
fool!) then pound that shit until it's 1" thick.
- Put some vegetable oil in a pan and turn it up to medium-high
- Once it starts smoking throw that chicken on there
- Cook on each side for two minutes
- After it's done searing the outside a bit, turn the heat down to
medium-low. Cover it and let it cook the middle of the chicken. It's done
when it hits like 165 degrees.
- Take it out and cut into chicken taco sized cubes
- Drain whatever grease is in that pan. we gonna use it in a sec...
Part 2: Pop that Taco.
Ok, so now we have the chicken. Time to finish the job.
- Ok, pour the water and the taco seasoning mix into the pan and mix in
the cubed up chicken. Turn the heat back up to medium and stir
- Put the shells into the oven and cook for about three and a half minutes
- Keep stirring the taco stuff until it's thick and coated all the
chicken. That's the taco popping. It usually only takes about the same time as it takes to cook the shells.
- Put the cheese in a bowl along with the lettuce and tomatoes.
Bam, yummy chicken tacos, bitches. If you want to be normal, grab the angus ground chuck from kroger. That's the best taco making meat.
Posted by Phil on May 1st, in the afternoon |
Double or nothing, Colossians 3:12.
More people getting married. I held off on mentioning this yesterday because I didn't want people thinking it was an April Fools Joke, and frankly I wasn't so sure myself. But as of April 1st, Stewie is officially gay with some chick from Hawaii.
I wanted to post this as the heading, but it wouldn't fit:
Chazz: So how's my protégé?
John: Jeremy, believe it or not, is getting married!
Chazz: What? What an idiot! What a loser! Good! Good! More for you and me.
Posted by Phil on April 2nd, in the afternoon |